تا حضور لحظه ها رو درک نکنیم
به لحظه حضور نمیرسیم
[align=left:ac171052f6]Well, Let's Begin:
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand one belonging to him and the other to the LORD.
when the last scene of his scene of his life flashed before him he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest ,times in his life.
this really bothered him and hequestion ed the LORD about it. "LORD ,you said that once i decided to follow you ,you would walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I dont understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
the LORD replied ,"my precious, precious child. I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only set of footprints it was then that I carried you."[/align:ac171052f6]
[align=left:f269c40fcd]This letter was written by an employee of the NIOC (National Iranian
Oil Company) back in the 1960`s to his American boss Mr.Hamilton.
I, the undersigned, have worked in the NIOC in Masjed-Solyeman for three years, But since Mr.Ahmadi transferred here everything has changed.
I don't know "what a wet wood I have sold him" that from the very first day he has been "pulling the belt to my lift" With all kinds of "cat dancing" he has tried to become the "eye and the light" of Mr.Wilson. He made so much "mouse running" that finally Mr.Wilson "became donkey", and appointed Mr.Ahmadi as his right hand man, and told me to work "under his hand"
Mr.Wilson promised me that next year he would make me his right hand man, but "my eye didn't not drink water", and I knew that all these were "hat play", and he was trying to put a "hat on my head" I "put the seal of silence to my lips" and did not say anything. Since that he was just "putting watermelon under my arms" Knowing that this transfer was only "good for his aunt", I started begging him to forget that I ever came to see him and forget my visit altogether. I said "you saw camel, you did not see camel"....but he was not "getting off the devils donkey"..."what headache shall I give you" I am now forced to work in the mail house with bunch of "blind, bald, height and half height" people. "Imagine how much my ass burns"
Now Mr.Hamilton, "I turn around your head" you are my only hope and my "back and shelter"...."I swear you to the 14 innocents" please "do some work for me"...."in the resurrection day I`ll grasp your s***t"...."I have six head bread eaters".....I kiss our hand and legs"
A man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for
some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the
beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized
that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some
Suddenly an idea struck him.
He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what
You want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would
Have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar. The man said, "Sorry man.
I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of
cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar. The
beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health." The man smiled
and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told
the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really
good". The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the and
damages the liver". The man smiled again.
He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me
And I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win,
you take the whole amount and leave me alone". As before, the
beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't
come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his
home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation
of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his
doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house
The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no
Bad habits looks like."[/align:0a32eddb23]
When A Boy..
When a BOY is quiet,
He has nothing to say.....
When a BOY is not arguing,
He is not in mood of arguing.....
When a BOY looks at u with eyes full of questions,
He is really confused......
When a BOY answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds,
He is actually fine......
When a BOY stares at you,
He is either amazed or angry.....
When a BOY lays in your lap,
He is wishing for you to be hers forever.....
When a BOY calls you everyday,
He is spending alot of talk time to get your attention...
When a BOY sms's u everyday,
He is forwarding them....
When a BOY says I love u ,
It's not the first time...
When a BOY says that she can't live without you,
He has made up his mind that you are his for at least a week....
When A Girl..
When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions,
She is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds,
She is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you,
She is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your ,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever
When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention.
When a GIRL sms's u everyday,
She wants you to reply at least once.
When a GIRL says I love u ,
She means it.
When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,
She has made up her mind that you are her future.
When a GIRL says "I miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more than hers.
One day an employee sends a letter to his boss Merry SHERRY to increase his salary!!!
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has ! changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
One hand on wheel, one hand out of window :
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn :
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on :
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror :
Ohio, but driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on , head turned to
talk to someone in back seat:
One hand on horn, one hand greeting, one ear on phone, one ear
listening to loud music, foot on , eyes on female
pedestrians,conversation with someone in next car :
Welcome to Tehran!!!
Three American and three Iranian engineers are
traveling by train to a conference. At the station,
the three American each buy tickets and watch as the
three Iranians buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one
ticket?", asked one of the three American.
"Watch and you will see", answers one of the Iranians .
They all board the train. The Americans take their
respective seats, but all three Iranians cram into the
toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the
toilet door and says, "Ticket,please". The door opens
just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in
hand. The takes it and moves on. The American
saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the American decide to copy
the Iranians on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket
for the return trip. To their astonishment, the
Iranians don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?", asks
one perplexed American.
"Watch and you will see", says one of the Iranians .
When they board the train the three Americans cram into
a toilet and the three Iranians cram into another one
nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the Iranians leaves his
toilet and walks over to the toilet where the American
are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,"Ticket,
* If you are a car salesman and at the same time a singer.
* If you talk behind your wife with your mother.
* If you dress up to go to grocery store.
* If you go to concert, but you never see the singer and stay in the hallways with your drink and check out girls.
* If you never wear your wedding .
* If you smoke 5 packs a day and tell everyone you don't smoke.
* If you pronounce " Sure ", SHOOR
* If your favorite drink is Vodka.
* If you are about 35 and have no hair on your head.
* If you watch Iranian program on TV, but always nag for bad programming.
* If you are good in playing backgammon and chess but can't do your taxes.
* If you call gas station, gas estation.
* If you ask someone to marry and they want to know if you own a house.
* If you your wife but still don't let her date anyone else.
* If your wife divorces you, but still goes shopping with your sister.
* If you used to be a surgeon in Iran but now you work in a chelokababy.
* If you carry 3 pagers and 2 phone and nobody ever calls you.
* If you your dad was a very good friend of SHAH.
* If you don't own a house and have no job but still can afford a BMW.
* If you have to shave more than once a day.
* If you were a 4 star general in Iran and now drive a cab in Washington D.C.
* If your in-laws come to visit and they never leave.
* When they ask us "where are you from?" we reply...Italy!!..yet have a "tasbeeh" in our hands.
* Have Spaghetti with yoghourt using spoon and fight over its "Tahdeeg".
* Have an "Aaftaabeh in our Toilet" and if not...water in a milk bottle will do just as good.
* Invite friends over for dinner and by Pizza yet cook some extra rice... just incase!.
* Believe no-one else can make Kabaab Better than us.
* Watch Rugby Test Matches, yet play only soccer over the weekends.
* Being addicted (so much) to "Tea " that drink it in a big coffee mug.
* Have dogs but don't let them come inside the house.
* the hell out of them (dogs) when they come in, then suddenly remember they are " Najess " and go and wash out your hands 7 times with soap and say " Pedar Sag Aslan Aadam nemeesheh!!!!"
* Complain about everybody's accent, but ourselves.
[align=left:4fd4da39a0]my mother I love you and I need you even though
I Love you and I need you even though!
I may at times have made you tear your hair
I set myself apart but even so
your presence and your love are always there.
you are my jail and ten-ton door.
that keeps me from just being who I am.
and so I pound the walls and go to war
ramming all the rules that I can ram
yet though I must rebel all the while
I know your love s the ground on which I stand
I wait upon the flash of your pround smile,my mother
and twist inside at every .
I m sorry for the times I ve caused you pain;
after these brief storms,Love will remain.
i wish yuor love increase from day to day[/align:4fd4da39a0]
BOY : I can't leave you..
GIRL : Do you love me so much??
BOY : It's not that. You're standing on my foot.
BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Did you miss me while I was away??
BOY : Were you away??
GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night?
BOY : What time was it??
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest..
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.
GIRL : Do you remember when you proposed to me? I was so
overwhelmed, I couldn't speak for an hour..
BOY : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
GIRL1: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
GIRL2: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of
BOY : I'm a photographer.i've been looking for a face like yours!
GIRL : I'm a plastic surgeon.i've been looking for a face like
BOY : Hi!didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
GIRL : Must've been once.I never make the same mistake twice!!!
BOY : May I have the pleasure of this dance?
GIRL : No,I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
BOY : Will you come out with me this Saturday?
GIRL : Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!
BOY : Go on ,don't be shy.Ask me out!
GIRL : Okay,get out!!!
BOY : Shall we go and see a film?
GIRL : I've already seen it!!!
BOY : Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
GIRL : No,it was plain bad luck
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